just call me macgyver

once upon a time, I was staying at my in-laws house and they all left to go to my brother in law's high school graduation. i had to stay behind because the littlest man was taking a nap. so, it was just me and crew bug. well, he decided to start taking a dump in his pants. let me walk you through the crew-is-going-poo process...

the stinks come on reallllllly strong. like, we are talking - unbearable. you want to throw up. then, he runs away and shuts the door to a room, where he will continue to do the deed. if you choose to follow up with him DURING the process, he will hold out one hand, you know the "talk to the hand" move, then he grunts NOOOOO while still pushing. it's actually pretty impressive. then, he'll say a few more choice things to you like, "go away with babyyyyy".... grunts some more... "byeeeeeee!!!"

now you are up to speed.

so, naturally the aroma started pouring in. oh great, i thought to myself. annnnd quickly after, crew disappeared. naturally. but thirty minutes went by and still no crew-that-smelled-like-he-had-eaten-rotten-garbage-and-pooped-it-out. i turned down the monster trucks on the history channel that we were currently watching. i guess we had really gotten into it because it was reallly loud.

i walked upstairs to the room that was shut and smelled a sweet smell and knew i had found him. i could hear him whimpering and saying quietly, "mommy i stuck!" i felt so horrible. here i am downstairs watching my son's tv show and he's stuck in a room!!! so, i figured he was at the door and stuck in the room and that's what he meant. but i kept trying to tell him how to turn the little lock button on the door knob. YEAH RIGHT. what was i thinking? this is pretty much like handing a two year old a rubiks cube and saying, have at it!

this went on for probably 10 minutes until my ears finally caught up to my mommy freaking out heart. he wasn't by the door at all. he was over in the corner. here he is actually STUCK! he probably doesn't even realize that he's locked in the room and can't get out yet. goooood grief. so, i call devin in a panic. what do i get from my sweet supportive husband? he laughed. and laughed and laughed. it made me more upset.

the hubs then proceeded to tell me to take off the door knob with a screw driver. so here i am with a screw driver in hand, just staring at the door knob. what the heck was i supposed to do? yeah, i got nothing. i'm the two year old being handed the rubiks cube at this point.

by now, crew had gotten "unstuck" from his corner and whatever was going on over there... not quite sure. but the smell, holy cow. it was strong as ever now that he was by the door. then it got really quiet and all i could hear was his hand rubbing  against the door, all over. OH CRAP. that's all that was going through my mind - he's rubbing poop all over my mother in law's house! terrific.... if there's one way to out stay your welcome, this would top it.

after dev had told me to do surgery on the door, i do the most natural thing at that point - "honey, i totally get it!" HA .... i get off the phone and call my dad. that's the fix all in these situations, right? seriously within two minutes or less crew was out!!!

so, i open it and what does crew do? he is grinning so big and says, HIII MUMMM!

man alive, this kid is a trip.