denial and shopping spree

okay so i am officially 14 weeks now. it just stinks when you think you are 16 weeks and then they're like, oh well sorry you are actually 2 weeks BEHIND what we thought :( big bummer.

anyways, so the REAL depressing news is that i will admit it point blank:

I AM IN DENIAL THAT I AM GETTING BIG.

there i said it. now, i should feel better. oh wait, i don't.

honestly, whenever i see any OTHER pregnant woman i think to myself, "gosh, they're so cute." but when it's YOU that's pregnant, it's hard to think wow, i'm cute when my clothes don't fit and you are in the awkward stage of not really looking pregnant and just looking like i have a gut.

yes, that is the stage i am in. i look like i have a gut. i know i know, i will take pictures. i think it's just a pride thing though. i want to actually look pregnant. but just to tie you over - i look a little like this:



back to the story. so, i like to pretend that i am still skinny and all my clothes fit normally- even though this is VERY far from the truth right now. so the other day i bought this black shirt that was $3 from target (love you target) and i decided to wear it to church and tuck it into a cute gold skirt which zips up the back. well, i couldn't zip it up. so, i told the hubs that he needed to zip it up. well, he couldn't do it. so i got frustrated and zipped as hard as i could! well, it got caught on my shirt and we had to spend 30 minutes pulling the zipper and the shirt apart. yes, we missed the sacrament and got there RIGHT when the talks started and there was conveniently no open room so we had to awkwardly walk infront of everyone to find a seat open - while i am wearing a cardigan over my black shirt because it has a GIGANTIC hole in it now because we finally got it separated from my skirt. but i was too ornery to change out of it "because i still fit in all my clothes." then, i proceed to dry heave during sacrament meeting because i can't breathe because my skirt is much much MUCH too tight!

bottom line: i am too big for my clothes. i NEED to go shopping. who wants to go with me?

i've already spotted a cute shirt on sale at the gap that is long and simple for my growing belly, and i desperately want to go to forever21 and get some cute earrings. these ones:



and then i want to buy a bunch more at forever21 that is small like REAL SMALL so i have incentive to fit into it after the baby is born. is that bad that i'm already excited to go running like crazy and lose the baby weight? well, i still have 5 months til the baby GETS here and then time to settle down and THEN i will start this intensive work out plot to fit into cute little clothes again - i mean little as in modest, but still size SMALL. you get my drift?

and i'm getting my hair cut today out of my own free will. yes that's right, for once in my life i do not want a hair cut. i have been growing my hair out since october and it's actually getting pretty dang long. i am a happy camper. except, it is getting GNARLY! i will even admit that.

anyways, back to the story - devin, like a good husband plays with my hair during church (just twirling, nothing weird) and he stops and makes a weird face. so i was like, what's wrong? as his hand is stuck in my hair, he was like ash you need to cut your hair. yes, it may feel like straw and have nasty tangles in it and it totally has split ends every where, but i feel this huge sense of accomplishment that it has grown this long!

but, being the loving wife that i am. i am getting my hair cut in 2 hours from now. i just better not get it hacked off when i say JUST BARELY TRIM THE EDGES. i'm sure all you women out there know EXACTLY what i'm talking about. then you proceed to go home and cry your eyes out because you feel bald and look like a boy. this may have happened to me a few times during my college experience.

anyways, so i was thinking maybe i'll ask for a cut like this



but it's always that dissapointing look in the mirror when you realize, oh wait i don't have jessica alba's face to go along with the cut. haha i'm not sure how, but every time i bring in a picture and they cut my hair JUST like the celebrity - i always laugh because i assume to see THEIR face in the mirror. weird, i know.

well, wish me luck with the hair cut and fitting into some clothes today :)